1. Calling them out on their inappropriate behavior.
Narcissists really dislike criticism, especially if it’s merited and well-deserved because it evokes an emotion that is probably one of the most difficult for them to process and regulate- shame. No remorse, no regret, but shame.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, calling a narcissistic person out on their behavior is going to fill them with shame if it’s done in front of other people, which can result in anger, deflection, blame-shifting, and endless tirades about how the person who is calling them out is victimizing them.
Besides, as Dr. Ramani notes, calling them out on their egocentric, entitled, aggressive, or passive-aggressive, self-centered behavior is probably not going to result in any change of that behavior, especially if it’s done in private- because the narcissists likely aren’t even going to listen to anything that threatens their ego.
2. Requiring that they take responsibility for their actions.
People with narcissistic personality styles are notorious for avoiding responsibility for their own behavior at all costs, especially when that behavior signals their incompetence or dysfunction in any area of their lives. The underlying cause for this avoidance to take responsibility for their own actions is their low self-esteem and fragile egos, which they try to overcompensate with grandiosity and entitled behavior.
If they were to admit that they were wrong, they would also have to admit that they are ordinary people who make mistakes, a stance which is in conflict with their desire to maintain an image of a “superior person” to other “ordinary” people. This maneuver of always avoiding responsibility requires a lot of effort and drains their already fragile ego, so they use maladaptive defense mechanisms and coping strategies such as denial, rationalization, blame-shifting deflection, and scapegoating other people.
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