2. Respond, don’t react.
This is such an important strategy that victims of narcissistic abuse can benefit from using, and I can’t stress this one enough how important it is to learn how to respond to the narcissist or the smear campaign but not react. The narcissus wants you to react with anger, with desperation to try and defend yourself and get people to understand your side of the story, but it’s a trap. If you react, they will do everything possible to keep you in that cycle. They enjoy this so much. They live for your reaction.
And on top of it, they have already set the stage to use your reaction against you. They intentionally say the most horrific things, trying to provoke the absolute most dramatic reaction as possible out of you because it will be a beautiful demonstration that validates the lies they’ve been spreading about you. When you deprive them of the expected, desperate, angry reaction, you pull the rug out from underneath them, you change the game.
Lundy Bancroft: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
They will not be expecting that, and it will throw them completely off balance and will ruin their plan. You have ruined their plan to use your reaction against you as proof that you are all of the things they have said, that you are unstable, that you are mentally ill or crazy. What you do is respond, and that can be something as simple as a statement to them or others that everything that they are saying is nonsense and that this is, unfortunately, typical behavior for this person. Or maybe you could say something like your opinion of me is noted, but the response is unemotional and short and to the point, and then you move on as if it does not affect you.
This will starve them of the narcissistic supply they’re dying to get from you, and it will help to negate the lies that they have been saying about you. By responding not reacting, you take your power back. That is your power. You have empowered yourself and ruined their game and their strategy that they’re depending on.
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