What Happens When You Reject a Narcissist


1. They will not have introspective thinking.

Now first, let’s acknowledge that when you make it clear that you’re finished, you’re done, and you need to move on to something else, it’s not going to trigger introspective thinking inside that narcissistic person. You’d like to be able to sit down and talk with that person and say, ‘You know, there are some things that do and some things that don’t work in a relationship. Let’s talk about what that might mean.’ But they can’t think that way with you, so there is no sense of introspection that they’re going to bring to the equation. Instead, they’re going to have a type of shock. The shock is implied in the notion that says, ‘How dare you reject me? How dare you come against me? I can’t believe you’re doing something like this.’ In other words, they have this mythical thinking that everything’s supposed to be smooth and peachy-keen and go their way. And when you say, ‘No, I’m not doing that anymore,’ it’s like, seriously. And they have a hard time believing your truth.

2. They will have a fear reaction.

In addition, they’re going to respond with fear. Now, it’s not that they’re going to say, ‘I feel fear.’ Instead, they’re going to come across as angry, and they have what we would refer to even as narcissistic rage. And it’s part of what we refer to as their narcissistic injury. They feel hurt, they feel that you’re attempting to damage them, and so they’re highly threatened. That’s the fear part, that you’re no longer going to admire them and you’re no longer going to be their supply. And so, they can come out with all sorts of angry reactions and punishment and all the rest.

A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

They’re going to go into self-protective mode. They’re going to do a lot of rationalizing and justifying. ‘Well, you need to know why I’m the best one here, and I’m smarter than you, and why my way of life is better than what your way of life is. I really do know what’s wisest and best.’ And they’re going to justify and rationalize why it’s okay for them to have all of their narcissistic characteristics. And you’re thinking, ‘Yeah, that’s why I need to get away, because you can’t let go.’

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