Tip number two: Commit to no contact.
Again, easier said than done! The truth is, we are more often than not fully addicted to these people. As painful as it is, as destructive as it is, we are actually fully addicted to these people; the chaos, the drama, the pain, all the stuff that they stir up inside of us. So when we’re angry and in a rage, it’s very easy to draw a line in the sand and say I’m done. But maintaining no contact is a whole other story because what ends up happening is, we go through the biochemical withdrawal of love addiction, that whole process.
And that is a big piece of the reason why we keep returning over and over and over and over again to these people. So we have to commit fully to going no contact. Doing whatever it takes to support ourselves and get ourselves over the withdrawal that we are inevitably going to go through when we go through no contact.
A Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself.
And actually, deal with all of the discomforts inside of ourselves. That is loneliness, that is everything that is the abandonment issues that are triggered, that is all of the pain of being left or having to surrender to the reality and leaving. That is a whole bunch of stuff that we actually have to deal with inside of us.
But every time we return, we just start at ground zero and sometimes even lower. So we have to be willing to commit to no contact, and then be willing, again, to support ourselves to ride that wave of withdrawal, and do all the things that we can do for ourselves in order to get ourselves to that place where we are actually on the other side of that.
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