1. They crave attention at all costs.
They will always feel uncomfortable if they are in a situation where they are not the center, the smartest person, or the most important guest. And that’s why some people get this wrong about partners who don’t like to go to family or friends reunions.
Narcissistic manipulators sometimes will prefer to have all your attention so they will prefer to hang out only with you, but… if going to the meeting or reunion means that there will be people that admire them, or say how great they are, or your partner has a higher status than them, whether if it’s financial or academic or anything else, then they will prefer to go to the reunion.
And that’s one of the warnings about trying to detect a narcissistic manipulator by a single event or trait. Sometimes, they will want to hang out just with you, sometimes they’ll like to take you to meetings or reunions… the question you should ask yourself is, which reunions are they running away from, and which ones do they like? That way you’ll start picking up patterns that will come in handy later.
2. They separate you from friends and family.
Narcissistic manipulators are known for separating people from their families and friends. But this happens in two stages: In the first stage, they will use all their charisma to make sure both your family and friends love them. They will attend family reunions, they will be glad to hang out with your friends… it will be a great time because, for a few months, you’ll think that you found a special someone that actually fits in your life. But this first stage is in fact, part of the plan.
The narcissistic manipulator uses this phase to spot the different relationships in your circle of friends and in your family with a very clear goal: identify both the ones that could be a threat to them and the ones that could become their allies. And they have an uncanny ability for that. Most of the time, it’s natural, even subconscious the way they use it. What do they do with this information?
Well, they start to plant very subtle conflicts to undermine your relationship with the ones that they consider a threat. And at the same time, secretly reinforcing relationships with those that could become allies in the future. The kind of allies in your circle of friends or family that could help them, without being aware of it, to take you on a guilt trip; To make you feel guilty of something.
Of course, since most of your friends and family say 90% of your friends and family will be a threat to them, a threat to them being the center of your life, then they will be making that distance one member at a time. That’s how they isolate you and that’s why the first stage of the relationship with a narcissist is totally different from what you could expect.
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