Next, there is something called reactive abuse, which all narcissists do and provoke in their victims. One of the main reasons that people believe that a victim has a mental illness from the trauma is that victims of relational narcissistic abuse tolerate the abuse really well, until they cannot take it anymore, and they finally react. Then, the narcissist who is usually calm, cool, and collected switches the script and tells everyone that the victim is crazy, mentally ill, or unstable because they had a reaction to the abuse that they were being subjected to.
So lesson number four, just because someone calm tells you someone upset or traumatized is crazy or mentally unstable or is the problem, does not make it fact.
Next, abusers act very differently behind closed doors with an intimate partner than they do out in public. And one of the specialties of narcissistic abusers is they can be in a violent abusive rage against a victim one minute, and turn that off and turn on the charm and the bogus act of being the victim instead of perpetrating abuser in the next minute.
Non-abusive and traumatized people are not able to do that because we experience all human emotions, and we are not able to be abusive one minute and calm and cool the next minute. Only people without a conscience are able to do that.
So lesson number five, do not assume that the calm one is the victim and the angry, upset, hurt, or even hysterical person is the aggressor. Usually, the exact opposite is true, and all police officers should know this information by now. The police in this case should have known what they were looking at. This is yet another reason public narcissistic abuse pathology education needs to be mandated for all people, especially the police and family court professionals.
Next, an incredibly important fact for everyone to understand is that narcissists target very specific people for a romantic relationship. They are looking for a future partner that has high levels of empathy, high levels of responsibility, high levels of conscientiousness, and who are incredibly loyal. These are all very important character and personality traits that a narcissist looks for in a target.
However, once they secure the relationship, the narcissist becomes pathologically envious of the victim and incredibly jealous. Therefore, narcissists are going to try and break the victim down. They’re going to try and destroy the victim’s self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and confuse the victim by subjecting them to very high levels of gaslighting.
This relationship is a psychological game to the narcissist and tearing the victim down without the victim understanding what is happening is the narcissist’s highest priority. And they will do anything to provoke a negative reaction in the victim, as they get super high levels of narcissistic supply from their ability to do this.
Also, this is very important to the narcissist because they know they are going to twist and manipulate the victim’s reaction to them becoming the victim and accusing the victim of being abusive, mentally unstable, or crazy.
A BOOK: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse
This is exactly what had been happening on this day that they got pulled over that Gabby and Brian got pulled over. He started a fight with her, then he took her phone away from her to prevent her from working or calling anyone, then he refused to let her into her own van. Once she was in the van, he began slapping her and grabbing her face, no doubt sprinkling it with tons of emotional verbal, and psychological abuse.
So lesson number six, understand that the true abuser is a master manipulator and a very skilled psychological abuser.
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